..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
