My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
