Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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