i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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