If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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