We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
