I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
