Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
