They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
