I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
