hell yes lets make some ravioli
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
