you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
actually, I'm a sock model
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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