you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
