On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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