wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
