Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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