It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
