pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
