he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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