I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Its about making memories worth repressing
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You've changed since you got that strap on
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
