I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
