just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
