I heard we made out
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
