I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Damn victory sex feels great
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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