if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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