I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I AM VODKA MAN
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
