so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
