I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
