Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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