She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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