Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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