girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
