So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He is an equal opportunity slut.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize
