I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
