last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
