Have you finally orgasmed yet?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
