After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
