My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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