Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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