I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
