My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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