I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
And then he peed in my hair
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