so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
