Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize