remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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