she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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