Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
