Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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