They should really pass out barf bags in church
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize