1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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