Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
