You can't special order awesome
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My pussy is not your playground.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize