talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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