What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want her autograph on my taint
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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