So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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