Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
