They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
