:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
