I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Small penises have feelings too.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
