batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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