Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
