I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
another moral hangover. fuck.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
