u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
