dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
