Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
