I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
