I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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