don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
