Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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