Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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