I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you had me at cake vodka
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
