He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
