it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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