so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
