At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
3 2 1 whiskey
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
