When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
