We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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