Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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