Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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