And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
