just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's like iHOP with fire
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize