coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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